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Old 09-18-2014, 08:17 PM   #2
PancakeBrah
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,480
Battle Record: 2-5


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899407
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"The purpose forgotten or something. Reminiscence that dribbles off into nothing. Childhood ends and life just gets taller, shadows and light playing hide and grow smaller."

Dope.

"Color me absent and paint me a martyr who died undevoted."

"She told me she uses because she’s a heroine when she nods. You should've seen her face when she woke up to learn that Paris was a mirage."

Also dope.

"I'm never there when she wants. You could compare me to songs that never play at the bar."

This, too, was also dope.

The vignettes were okay, with the last section being much strong than the first. I only liked the 'rosebud' line from the opening salvo. I think the second paragraph is the strongest of four. I think it's Split but I'm not exactly sure. My powers of discernment are pitiful, I guess. The second paragraph started a little to scattershot and thick for me but once it got to the first quote I listed it was damn near perfect. I did like the 'world came to an end' line, though. But back to the second half, it was great. The only hiccup was 'repentance. reluctance' which kind of got back to the style I didn't like from the first half. But other than that it was really high level stuff. As for the third paragraph, it really seemed like a lined verse put into paragraphs. I'm almost positive that isn't the case but it read like it. The middle of this verse was the strength; from "Fucking nonsense" to "on her arm" is great. I felt the beginning and very end were a little clunky but other than that a good/great verse.

Very strong collab, with serious highlights. Some dull spots but those are outweighed. Deserves more attention.
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