Wheat_Slayer:
for most of the topical, I thought you wrote this from the viewpoint of a vegetable? it was awesome use of language. the overall meaning's lost on me. you played so many different roles, your narrator did i mean. I think you danced around the fire so much you forgot you had marshmallows to roast. i thought the structure was dope but it was too uneven for me to comprehend what was happening literally figuratively or metaphysically. even the part in blue at the end (moment of clarity?) felt like it transcended reality and irreality and simply hung in the nonbalance.. like a fragment of the animus or a misplaced identity you'd take on as a kid, and haven't needed since you stopped seeing dragons chasing down the landscape from the window of a schoolbus.
KK:
is this Silence of the Law-Abiding Citizen?
Quote:
sleep is the cousin of death. a dream is the furious sister.
you can't pay the reality check without cashing in when you kiss her.
that makes the moment that much important, that much clearer
the second the blade pierces the skin, & the hours it'll take to peel her.
the epidermic abrasions. deep, burning sensations.
the soft whimpers, persuasive. a sadistic liasion.
|
that was uncomfortably intricate. lol. we took a similar direction with our twist ending, yours was smoother. also i thought your characterization was very carefully planned and so the end is kinda anticlimactic for me. I guess the whole "reality is nothing but a figment of your imagination" shpiel is mad old for me... the slightly unspoken "words'll never hurt you/ me" confused me a lot as well.
SO.
at the risk of looking like the stupidest person here with the worst imagination and poetic foresight, i will admit i have literally no idea what the fuck is happening in either piece and am left with a series of strangely interconnected images. Apple_Jacker's language and carefully constructed metaphors struck me in a more pleasing manner... I can see the nonsensicality of insanity drift between Zzzquil overdose dream images... and come together in a realization... and it confused me but also enticed me, where Keith's felt very cold and not alive, not robotic, just mechanicall....
so tough vote. very good/close/strange battle.
V/
Corn_Popper