2nd part was moderately interesting. You could basically sum it up as "existence is infinite" which is only true in some models of the universe. We need information about the precise initial conditions of the universe to rule anything out
1st part wasn't good but was better than when you started. You could arguably make portions of it rhyme & flow but it would be very far from effortless or neatly done. You'd need unnatural tempo & stresses on words that aren't actually there to give it rhythm. Again, it does have a rhythm but it isn't appealing. Like one snare drum going every four notes, a kick going every two notes but is off by a bit, a cymbal going at random and someone clapping at various loudnesses
I mean obviously you can make rap music as complex as you'd like it, but no one will necessarily enjoy reading it & therefore won't take the time to read it. But, obviously you understand this as I can already see you conforming to certain technical aspects of the accepted writing style. It'd be good to see your writing become less wordy and more emphatic, or to see you have a regular rhyme scheme thoughout the piece that doesn't even have to be end rhymes
AABC
BBCD
CCDE
or something unconventional but not
ABCDEFA
FDGHABA
JKLMDGMA
MJDKGLNM
ADJAMKKN
which is basically randomness
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