Quote:
Originally Posted by Beans
Potatosacklegend
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=92621
Some gay poem he wrote got no feed
I fuck moms into vegetable state, I'll son ya shit weak text
& if they talk'n of a hot potato? It's gossiping about their kids recess
I'm champ'n this tourney, this beat down won't be fun
Whip U wit the belt, so change your User Title ...to "this my only one:("
Dude you'll never shine, I hit a bitch wit hot rights
So it's no problem for potato to roger good-L's... <---& thats ya only spot light!
Nothing you release is positive, negative note? I punch heads
Cos we'll never see P-sacks dope unless it's failing a drug test
Ya posted poem was gay, even U sees that
We couldn't stomach that read, that's why U got no feed back
That shit was choppy as fuck! Ya can't cut hype with beans kid
So if U ever think you gotta edge in this? I'll use it to slice U to pieces |
Opening line not too great, kind of couldn't understand the lack of English.
3&4rd lines good.
5th & 6th line, not really structured well… you had to put a <--- just to get your point across. Woulda been good if the 6th line matched the 5th, in length.
7th & 8th lines, really good.
9th & 10th, I don't like how you went after his poem & posted a link, but its a battle.
closing lines, very good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PotatoSackLegend
ya girls tired of u fuckin her, she needs me to charge her. my sex is liver, dunny
poundin her ass out with my drum stick is all i need to energizer bunny
everyday i wake up under the weather n need a pick me up to write glossy schemes
im too sick to be around you n im highly doubtful u want to end up coughy beans
this sloppy feen will need rehab after i flip bars N set bombs
i wanted to show him what bein dopamine its too bad he'll inject that into his arm from heron
u got ko'ed by allen knight after claimin u spark infrareds like u hectic son
we never seen sunbeams but judging by ur pic u'd break the scale if u stepped on 1
faggot evry bitch u picked up ended up likcin my ass sauce
im not playin no fuckin games even tho i always have bean bags toss
Tellem "I lost my limbs but if i show u my dick ull want it in ur mouth in a sec"
once i send them a pic of daddy long leg they start to bug out on the web
|
1st 2 lines would been better if you changed "energizer bunny" to "energize her bunny", or something like that.
3rd, & 4th, not sure if you spelled "coughy" like that on purpose, but good lines.
5th & 6th line -- 6th line was too long & misspelled words on both lines.
7th - 10th lines -- very good
11,12th lines as a closer wasn't good enough.
/v Beans