soul - really dug the storytelling, which was at times exceptional. incidentally, i'm listening to alt-j while i write these votes and that tessellating line resonated perhaps more than it should have and produced a wry smile - though i'm listening to their latest LP, not the first. anyway, even though you do not punctuate to distinguish when not, the instances you used enjambment were excellent. you've a great knack for fleshing the reader's mind with palpable imagery compounded by your stellar wording. rhythmically, this all worked for me. night of my death/my last kiss was the loosest of reprisals. your writing begins lending itself to almost only description, and it morphs into something more abstract/less concrete, broadening the scope with reference to heaven and distant galaxies before killing the vignette, abruptly, with mention of a cigarette. everything descends into that infinitesimal moment in time when one enjoys the burn of a tobacco to compliment the post-coital tristesse. if i hadn't been there, and i have (woo), that might not have spoken so much to me. the ending was almost darkly comical, but there's the undertone of a brooding essence beneath, trying to find some solace. or understanding? for both man and machine. reminded me of L'Homme Machine ever so vaguely. a fun read.
oats - can i be ambitious and suggest this wasn't about love? that's incorrect, actually. it was about love, no matter the lens i offer, but was it not about a woman? your title, for one, the voyaging canoe. then the several mentions of the moon evoke an open air - the satisfying of a bucolic yearning? or the seafarer's lantern on open waters? the fourth line, alone, provoked something of a caprice for me to change my perspective on this piece entirely. indentures could apply both contractually (between man and sea/earth) and in its antiquated definition. lunar embraces was more than a pretty abstraction, and spoke on the relationship between moon and water concerning gravitational pull? i don't know. i could be way off, but as a regular ode, even with your abstractions, this didn't click for me. my second perspective harmonizes much of the incongruity i previously read. this is about Polynesian/Hawaiian history, ancients forging watery paths with the celestial bodies as guide. the dream to discover helped populate those islands/your people? read like that, this piece is nuts to me and infinitely more impressive. and it was good before. you'll have to let me know if i've made a fool of myself here. traducement was a bit off to me, probably because i'm unfamiliar with the word, but lunar embrace/illusions we made/exhume and retrace was superb. your talent for wispy, ethereal and quintessential depiction here were great.
i could have misfired terribly, but i'll stand by my word.
v/oats
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