Netcees - View Single Post - Quarterfinals: 6. Soulstice vs. 2. oats \\ Soulstice wins 6-2

dead man · 09-14-2014, 11:10 PM

soulstice -- your mindset seems either futurist or historic when you sit down to write. this was obviously a case of the former. electric noire. gray steel and sepia. shadows from window blinds. i was thoroughly impressed with the direction you took. reminds me of "Her" in a very literal way. it also reminds me of a video i saw one time documenting the life of a japanese(?) man who had built himself what could only be considered an army of sex dolls. these fucking things littered the entire apartment. i was disturbed by his lifestyle but fascinated by his craftsmanship and dedication. i mean the things were beautifully done. these resemble how i imagine your counterpart in this work. everything is read through a rough filter of context and experience and that is something to remember for everyone writing descriptive work of any kind.

replicating her -- was an odd choice of words and i did not quite follow..

ending was a bit sad and lonely. but lent weight to the topic itself. ONLY IN DREAMS. very nice.

fuck oats. why you do this man? i loved this verse. stellar imaginative word choices. very easy to follow. it was a beachside sunset and a salty kiss. well written, well expressed. solid as fuck from the standpoint of one who appreciates the extremely niche art of a 10 line topical work. your only problem is that this is not the open mic. this is a battle, a match of wits, and a contest to decide who makes a more intriguing contribution to the thread BASED ON the topic provided. herein lies our issue - while i can comfortably say that your verse was 'mechanically' written better and contained elements which most usually prescribe to a successful topical work, i cannot say i enjoyed your overall approach to the topic anywhere near the level i did soul's. the archetypical, 'love verse', as vulgar pointed out, is tough to make your own. that being said, i think you succeeded. you wrote an excellent short verse in the name of passion and love and whatever emotional charge you were going for. but it was not successful, for me, in capturing the topic in an imaginative and unique manner. which is what i tend to weigh my votes over moreso than anything else.

today, soul had the better idea. he takes the contest.

V. SOULSTICE

thanks

09-14-2014, 11:10 PM	#8
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	soulstice -- your mindset seems either futurist or historic when you sit down to write. this was obviously a case of the former. electric noire. gray steel and sepia. shadows from window blinds. i was thoroughly impressed with the direction you took. reminds me of "Her" in a very literal way. it also reminds me of a video i saw one time documenting the life of a japanese(?) man who had built himself what could only be considered an army of sex dolls. these fucking things littered the entire apartment. i was disturbed by his lifestyle but fascinated by his craftsmanship and dedication. i mean the things were beautifully done. these resemble how i imagine your counterpart in this work. everything is read through a rough filter of context and experience and that is something to remember for everyone writing descriptive work of any kind. replicating her -- was an odd choice of words and i did not quite follow.. ending was a bit sad and lonely. but lent weight to the topic itself. ONLY IN DREAMS. very nice. fuck oats. why you do this man? i loved this verse. stellar imaginative word choices. very easy to follow. it was a beachside sunset and a salty kiss. well written, well expressed. solid as fuck from the standpoint of one who appreciates the extremely niche art of a 10 line topical work. your only problem is that this is not the open mic. this is a battle, a match of wits, and a contest to decide who makes a more intriguing contribution to the thread BASED ON the topic provided. herein lies our issue - while i can comfortably say that your verse was 'mechanically' written better and contained elements which most usually prescribe to a successful topical work, i cannot say i enjoyed your overall approach to the topic anywhere near the level i did soul's. the archetypical, 'love verse', as vulgar pointed out, is tough to make your own. that being said, i think you succeeded. you wrote an excellent short verse in the name of passion and love and whatever emotional charge you were going for. but it was not successful, for me, in capturing the topic in an imaginative and unique manner. which is what i tend to weigh my votes over moreso than anything else. today, soul had the better idea. he takes the contest. V. SOULSTICE thanks __________________ Zack Wicks for president