Phone vote.
Trap - this was executed well. It's a slippery slope with this kind of gimmick (if you will). It can easily lead to a very corny piece. However you were able to put a lot of references into the verse and keep committed to the direction. Of the piece. Nice work. The end kind of came abruptly. You were all about this girl then suddenly you're a legend and don't care anynore. Would've liked to see the transition to that be more developed. Overall a well executed piece though
Kan - I liked this. Story wise there were no holes. Your characters were developed I'm the first two lines and there was no odd plot devices. Back pain is a perfect reason to relapse into pain pills and go on to heroin. The ending was good too as our character displayed his grief I a way that suggests it's permanent. Original plot devices and tight rhyming gives you the edge.
Voting Kanno for a more polished piecd
|