I agree with the feed part of @
Beyond. I guess i can do a quick breakdown, too. I think at times your syllables mismatches are on purpose; it's almost like transitioning to the next set of schemes, but quietly, and on purpose, by keeping a median of syllables in a certain sentence, and switching one or two syllables like beyond mentioned as 'is' 'it' 'and' or leaving a few out, you can set up by controlling the tempo of that particular line and setting up for more rhymes and transition quietly without making a loud and obvious 'ok IM GOING TO TRANSITION, HERE NOW' Or maybe, you are mismatching because you either forgot to add the "it, is,ands" etc or idk? Who knows. I personally think it's my original explanation, but yeah. Aside from a lot of the obvious things here, my favorite section was here:
Quote:
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What I’m trying to say is I'm a big alcoholic. Cause I’m SO ALCHA I’m in a permanent drunk state. I’m on a murderous drug rage in my convertible Mustang holding pertinent information from the burglary upstate. I’m a person of interest last seen in a burgundy tux stained with purplish blood spats and a perfect shaped moustache. I observed the great blood bath with some vanity. Increased the murder-rate and drug stats single handedly.
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I think you focused a bit on longer set of words to construct your syllables and that gave it great guidance and diction in your set-ups and it was easier to maneuver for you. The smaller words are tougher for you, and even though they allow great flexibility, I dont think you quite have a grasp on more intelligible/relatable words. Tiny words in-between schemes and thoughts that shift the direction of the piece; the way YOU want it too. That takes a bit more practice. It's usually the wording inbetween I see you having trouble with,not the schemes themselves (usually). I think if you practice those tiny words and gradually flex an influx of wordage beyond the average 5 syllable scheme with pretty graphic imagery, you might gain a step or two and probably really impress a lot of people, and not just in a swag and flow netcees community, perhaps even on the poetic side. I think everything here was average to good. You're improving, but after awhile you'll feel an emptiness to try and contain creative bursts and look into more meaningful, concave and direct meaning. Though tossing out a few flexes here and then won't hinder any process you have, it's fun to have fun, but once you reach a certain level the meandering of rhyming a lot becomes a bit habitual and numbing. I think a more direct and personal approach to rhyming, to writing, to poetry may be possible, even just serious writing with no rhyming at all would prove beneficial or even peak your curiosity here and there. I hope you take my advice and work with it. Thanks for the read lil buddy.