[NYCSPITZ]

Excellent clash of two flowering titans

Soul:

Starting off, this is dope because you engage a lot of the senses here. Screams (hearing), red glares spilling (sight), silencing one's breath (feeling) etc. Engages the reader and provokes immense curiosity tbh. This great to me because some people have a kinesthetic preference, while others are dominantly visual or auditory, although ofcourse we're all pretty proficient with all of our senses. Great way to set up a feeling of suspense re. how your character is going to die and the action that seems pregnant in the first two lines. The next couplet is lolz, a sex machine! Your writing is deft enough to keep my attention and override the funny factor to the point where I'm still more interested in the story at hand so props on that. Adds another emotional twist which is important imo in a short verse tournament like this. These lines create a powerful dynamic between characters. Obviously this is written in first person but who's more powerful. You're a wild eyed, fucking shit crazy scientist ready to die next to a TITANIUM fucking sex machine? Both sound powerful, I wonder what the fuck is going on here? You're tightly abreast of this sex beast, the tension's climbing, what the fuck is happening here? Hahahahaha so she's a beta program??? So you're replicating her on some boss shit? Dope. Thought you were going to die though???? Anyways this wording was dope, and at this point I thought the machine was going to just bug out and destroy this dude. Next three lines, very thought provoking! You kiss her and suggest that the true magic here is in her design, something transcendent and separate from the animal urge to fuck. Power lines from the galaxies suggests some new genius powerful energy sourced from BEYOND was this mecha whore's power source. Cool sci-fi material here gawd. The ending is dope and a bit ambiguous but I think that makes it work really well here. Blade Runner type shit, consciousness spreading to non organic entities and all that. So you fuck her then you kiss her. But you're more, like, kissing an idea. Something greater than her or you or anybody. Even the Milky Way is microscopic compared to the seething chemistry of your vision. Trying to transcend the self. Going beyond, becoming super-human. Iiight the ending was really illy my nilly, no diggity nigga. To be real the only thing I was confused about was that you said you're gonna die then you didn't die. Like what, an idea died? Cool twist though bruv. No0, on some real shit, like 9-9.5/10 type of shit here chav.


Oats:

Aiight loverboy, I see you, traducement of her luminous face, ayeeeeeeee pretty tight shit there G. Hair dancing and shit, oh so this bitch is real sexy? Good, good. Trade winds? Like Central and South American bitches type shit? Now we're talking. So you're making this woman seem like a Goddess which usually I'd say is a bit cloying but I like the rhyme connections, slant rhymes and whatnot, and your flowcabulary was good enough to pull this off on some gawd shit. TO be honest this is sort of an opposite notion but I'm remembering a quote now, something like "there is only one woman, one woman, with many faces." Anyways, you got this lord thinking so applause there. Continue the feeling of majesty, we're all stardust, but she's on a higher level type thing. Ok. Indentured to human edges, trapped against the lunar embrace. WOOOOO that's hot. Poetic. And yet the burning intensity of the SUN serves as an all encompassing barometer to keep all this from getting out of hand, becoming too saccharine. The next line is ill and sort of speaks to me beyond words, that shit speaks to me in FEELINGS and shit. Like you're with your "soulmate" or any one of the thousands upon thousands of bitches bitches you can feel that way with, but irrespective of who there's a fleeting feeling followed by day's lingering glow and interest to go deeper.

Yea phone voting so not gonna break down the rest. Read both more than once. For a gripping voice and imo more impactful finish, mvgt soulstice