[Ink]

TopicalDood5:
I loved the build up and the details in this verse... But I thought the twist was cheesy/funny as hell. I couldn't help but picture a Lord of the Rings-esque scene... "SUDDENLY! There's Gandalf!" Not a bad thing, it just made me laugh. You tackled the topic quite well too, and it wasn't a super obvious approach to it either.

Innovator:
You had some lines standing on their own throughout the verse and they weren't all constructed in a way that allowed your piece to be read smoothly through them. Also some minor grammatical issues...
"He kicks in the doors with 2 44’s one in each hand he implores" a comma or two in there would have helped, for example... The topic itself isn't too original.. I know I've exhausted this type of piece myself.. But that doesn't discredit it. Minus the issues with the standalone lines, it was pretty well executed. I liked how you tosse din some freeverse in italics before the mayhem began..

Vote: TopicalDood5. Both were pretty good, but, as laughable as I thought the twist was, Topical had a fresher approach to the topic and a more solid piece.