yo man im gonna be real with u. i have never heard u before so im basing my opinion on this snippet alone but first thing that was painfully obvious was that ur lyrics did NOT match this beat... as in the tempo of this beat required less words in each bar and u clearly tried to cram in some existing written that could not fit onto this beat. you were spitting WAY too fast and it was essentially inaudible what u were saying. BIG thing u have to work on is writing TO the beat, just keep that shit on repeat while ur writing and u will automatically know when a line is too long or too short. second is ur monotone style which just sounds like ur literally just reading it off the page. u need to emphasize certain words and flow spit with a little more heart. again if the bars are written properly in terms of length this will be alot easier. since u were sonic zooming through your lyrics there was no choice but to be monotone because u simply had no time to alter anything in terms of your breath etc.
anyways props for even posting an audio, keep workin on it and practicing. and always write your lyrics to a beat and it'll come eventually. Have u listened to Genocide from here??? if not you should and you'll get a better understanding of what im talking about. stay up
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My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.
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