If Tobias Funke hatefucked the Doppler Effect emanating from his dreams whizzing out the window, and then raised the lovechild only displaying affection through Morse code and spankings:
this dude has no business playing with children's toys??? just posted his resume, dudes a fucking college laptop janitor. dude eats sleeps and breathes mouthbreathing & couldn't be a good MC if he won Las Vegas Weekly's be a rapper sweepstakes instead of that asshole Hassan. dude developed a Stan complex so bad he lost his job, wife, and dignity over it, bc there's no other way to explain this level of mediocrity. Now pays Hassan's bills. Now deliver's Hassan's dirty laundry with Business Acumen. Dude reps a crew he'll never be a functional part of. imagine being good at just absolutely nothing. No, imagine being good at only one thing, it being fucking stupid (to some, child's play) doing that thing for a decade and then quitting to pursue something you're arguably one of the worst at. Dudes life story reads like a laundry list of depressing anecdotes Louis CK had to cut from his special. Literally worse than DexLabb at writing. So bad I want him to never post on this site again. Every drop I read by him I want to punt his wife down an endless elevator shaft filled with molten dildos via bionic cooter roundhouse. I want Tom Bergeron to narrate the whole thing until that talentless hack gets it cancelled. I want the BluRay with bonus features hand-delivered by Muzzle. Seen hemorrhoids with more appealing flow. Rap game: putting twist ties on your testicles until you're infertile. This nigga's life is colored tepid brown. The worst resume I have ever read. I'd be more apt to hire someone off an Internet forum sans interview than I'd be to contact this shitshow of a shitstain of a human being. Might hate your boarding style more than Masaiis
making fun of this dude is like kicking a retarded ass stray dog. at first u kick it bc its up in your shit and its being a fucker, and u want it to move along. you caught it unloading a torrent of non-rhyming antifreeze colored stool in the neighborhood garden. but its a retarded ass stray, so after the kick it just looks at you with this mopey ass mangy face that would say "love me" if it didnt yelp really low and weird like a busted whoopie cushion and have a lazy eye, it just makes you mad and uncomfortable. so u kick it again, with emphasis. same thing but louder. eventually youre kicking it just so it stops taking the hit or fucks off