split - man i liked this. you mixed poetic language with normal description which worked in your favor. the flow was kinda eh but when im really feeling the way a writer tackles a topic i can forgive them for is. im a big fan of nostalgia/time pieces and this was well done. it was paced well and while there were no stand out scenes, i suppose thats that was the point. the downward spiral - the growing void where heart, soul, and family used to be, doesnt reach a crescendo but rather feels number and number the more it bears down on you. and the atmosphere of the piece worked toward this as well. all in all, i liked the way it was constructed, just un-grandiose enough to be real.
iambent - the sinister buildup was well done, and the flow was very fluid. the father wasn't as developed as id liked, similiar to what vulgar said, but the idea was enough for me to fill in the blanks, although a little character development wouldve done wonders. overall, i think that the emotional void split produced trumps oatmeals underlying stepford wives sinistry and flow for me in this battle
v- split
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