oats - interesting piece. my one qualm was the opening line and how it segued into the ret of the piece. the earth being flat was reference to scientific knowledge and how it relates to the physics of the world, not really humanitys place - the rest of the allusions kind of built up to a call-out to human nature, in my mind, whereas the world being flat isnt a reference to humans at all. it still kind of worked, i guess, but it kind of stuck out to me. the writers voice was top notch though. it didnt get bogged down with overwhelming wording and i felt i was lectured to the whole time (in a good way)
diode - the wording here seemed a little over the top to me, as well as the syntax. it took away from the imagery in parts. i do like the way your story structure married to the concept. highlighting the birth of a human and then fastforwarding right to death highlights the fact that we really are just faces in the crowd. that was well done.
i think diode was conceptually tighter by a thread but oats writers voice and rhyming was better. voting oats
|