[QUOTE=El Pancake;396116]
Just After Sunset
The rush of ; flush veins, a dose of medical pills
on a couch colored ‘1970’s film’. Chartreuse and brown.
Holding steady, the thrill. Our heads, cumulus clouds.
>> Cool. Two addicts soaring.
The semblance of touch, brushing of flesh tuned in and out
until nothing is left, but the pangs in our fulcrum;
nerve endings the twang of a folk strum, vibrating a drug buzz,
reviving our duldrums.
>> didn't like fulcrum or doldrums.
Skin pops, pinpricks, in an instant
the dual rush, in a void so alone we could hear a pin drop in the distance.
Both what is and what isn’t. The skyline aglow, moments are still,
Acting like the sun won’t rise again, but knowing it will.
>>what a goddamn finale. The "pinpricks" to "pin drop" was unreal, like synesthesia. Tied together the audio and visual tropes of the verse perfectly.
Thought the idea of the drug trip weaving together sound and imagery mirrored your description perfectly, (1970s couch, folk twang, skin pops, pinpricks, pin drops) and then the verse's tone escalated to match the harshness of the descriptions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Wrecka
all the years I've spent toiling, honing my craft, to overcome those foes hoping I would choke and then crash,
means nothing to the people that are probing my past, but my legacy is golden as the ocean is vast,
so you must be joking I laugh, I was chosen to draft, when I won the championship I left them frozen, aghast ,
>> good schemes
but now its like their memory has been broken and smashed, while Certain critics try to diminish, bringing up the notion of graphs,
see your devotion to math, will only provoke emotion and wrath, you have awoken a mass, that when put in motion will expose this commotion as trash,
so stay calm while I embalm with an adam bomb, explosions will blast, your devotion to harass has lost you any notion to last,
so I ride off into the sunset soaked in the blood of the brash
|
Mike wrecka wrote a flex with rhymed together good, possibly in response to the Lars thing/ mentioned Certain. Think his word choice was more on point than Pancakes (no "bad" words) but he didn't leave much for the reader to digest. Motivation might've waned or wanted to go the straightforward route to flank Pancake's deeply intricate thingy
Had Pancake winning with a story and great rhymes/ schemes of his own. Good battle, but wish MW had come with a more duly fledged verse, Cake's just had lasting appeal