Firstly, you both write like the same the writer. E.g., extended rhyme schemes and heavy use of semi-colon.
Red Glare, while enjoyed the rhyme schemes and technical ability, perhaps it lacked coherence. There were strong themes, especially the worldwide descriptions which were nice. Some lines were confusing. E.g., " the rabbit - runs across the field; faster then noise;" maybe this a colloquialism but I didn't understand the metaphor/reference. Same observation for the "Captain Roy - asteroid hemorrhoid" line. Enjoy ambiguity to a certain extent but lost your train of thought here and it was off-putting.
Frank, in this it seems like the focus was on the descriptions. Really enjoyed the descriptions of minute details, focusing on the very small while also moving the story along was great writing. E.g., foot prints line, picture the glimmer, and off our liquor flask line. Full praise for what you wrote this week. Also enjoyed the message, which I interpreted as missionaries claiming to be word of God are actually the devil for Indigenous cultures. One minor criticism, the word "shooken" seems wrong. Overall, voted for Frank.
|