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Old 09-01-2014, 12:38 PM   #4
Certain
Mad fucking dangerous.
 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19


Champed
- AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)

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Kin: This was OK. Using Z's instead of S's seemed childish. Your mechanics were fine otherwise, and your wording was good. But the line wasn't very clever.

Roar: The name play here was OK at best. It was slightly stretched but more just obvious, though maybe not as obvious as Kin's. But you didn't do much else with the punch, and I'm not sure how a punch can leave someone without money. Also, it's weird that there's a guy named Broke here who is rather good, so when I saw the name play before the follow, I thought this would be about him.

Vote: Kin
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