[PancakeBrah]

CopyPat;

This was just okay. You definitely have the technical aspect of writing down pat (lol get it fucka). A lot of rhymes, multi-syllabic, internals, etc. You went with a funny concept, or attempted one. You can pull of some funny Open Mics but here it felt a little lackluster. It wasn't as fully realized or complete as, say, Pinot's was this week. You have the talent but just need to shape it into the topical realm, I think.

Diode;

This was fine. Nothing standout, really. Some of your word usage was off. Soliloquies* stuck out like a sore thumb when placed in the context of your verse. Just not a word that should be used in a piece about football without a defter touch. Which you didn't, or maybe don't, have. Also, I find alliteration to be a hackneyed tool. That's personal preference, some people like it. To me it's superfluous and not all that impressive. You don't use multi-syllabic rhymes, or you use them less than most everyone else, so you try to get technical points with internals and multiple rhymes. This works most of the time for you but in lines like this

"scrambling is gambling and in this instance it's instant in its dismantling"

it just seems so forced. Instance is completely there for rhyme and throws the read off just a bit. Feels stilted. Seussian, this line. I also felt the 'after all...' then stating the topic was a bit melodramatic. Too fancy for me. Just tack it on to the end of the line and be done with it.

On the positive side of things your imagery was indeed strong throughout. You painted a good picture when you weren't trying too hard. The swim move line, in particular, was good. The verse was fully realized. The story, overall, seems a bit "Okay, that happened"-ish to me, but it was fine. Not your best work, to say the least, but a solid entry.

Not the best battle of the round. A bit of a disappointment because I think you both are good writers. Copy was a bit more off the mark and Diode had some redeeming qualities to his verse.

v/Diode