Kannon, your verse was cool.. it was that leaving a former love behind for college and then coming home for the summer kinda vibe. Very casual and straightforward, which I generally prefer. I liked the linear storytelling.. oftentimes there's a tendency to build the final line into some kind of Aesopian moral in these types of verses, but you actually kept the tone right on and didn't betray everything you'd been leading up to. There's a sort of audaciousness in doing that, which I was quite impressed by.
Pent, your title through me off, cuz I'm like "It's HANG gliding"... but then I wasn't sure if you pulled a play on words but actually I still just think you messed it up. I just struggled with the over-description in your verse. Like, I think calling brown dirt vibrant is oxymoronic and not in the deep, poetic sense. There was some build-up in the verse, but the payoff line was hampered by a double-negative that makes it hard to hit home effectively. I feel like you struggled to achieve what you wanted to with this verse, and that sucks.
I vote for Kannon for a more cohesive and relatable verse.
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