defiant. my first reaction is, "WHY THOUGH!?" I get that it's supposed to be a REVEAL or whatever, but this shit has holes in it. and weird little contradictions that shouldn't mean anything, but when you only have 10 bars, they stand out. You woke up to her voice, but she's standing there silent. You question what happened in the "last few days" but then immediately recall what happened yesterday. And I'm not sure why the gust of wind made you realize that you were paralyzed. And paralyzed people still talk. Can you not talk? Why is the thought of you being able to "forever talk" an important one to point out? And why did you word it so strangely? Why could he not think of the word "us?" I feel like this is the first couple seconds of a much longer piece where things get explained later. But as a whole story, it leaves a lot to be desired.
oats.
You fucking jacked your topic from something completely different and tried to tie it into this one. I dont know if that's shameful or commendable. but it's definitely what happened here. That being said, your piece is dope as shit. Up until you forced the phrase "new day" into it. God damnit, I want to hate you for doing this shit, but it's good. Seems a bit dismissive at the end, "meh. circle of life." Also, a couple lines just didn't rhyme at all. And I dont know that I'm okay with that. But whatever. Clearly you know how to write. I know you're seeded high so I expected good things. Just know that forcing something you already wrote, or were writing, into some other topic by simply adding the words "new days" into your piece aren't going to work every time. I would hate you if I didn't like this.
votes for oats.