[kannon]

Spitz. I gotta be honest, I had a hard time following your story. The vocabulary was flashy, but kinda lent toward over-explaining, in lieu of letting the story move. Which may have very well been your point. I don't know. All I do know is that my face was scrunched and confused while reading this. It seems like a dude named Bjorn (I don't know if that name is supposed to be relevant, or random), is dying. Seems self inflicted. As though the freedom from his own thoughts was more important than living with his thoughts. And that somehow he would find sanity on the other side. I would have loved to read more about what brought him to this point, but again, as a reader, I don't always know your intentions. That being said, as a writer, I know that I've written pieces with a lack of background specifically to focus on elongating a brief moment. So again, that may have been your intention. I don't know man, It's cool. but like, It seems like you just tied a bunch of bells and whistles onto a premise. And why is his name Bjorn? What kind of a name is Bjorn? Anyways, I can't even place this on a scale from 1-10 because I read it and give it a 4, then I read it again and give it an 8, then I read it again and give it a 5. This is going to completely depend on your opponents verse.

Jilti. Worse name than Bjorn. I KID (but seriously). At first read, I thought this was going to be a kid playing call of duty or some type of first person shooter. Especially since you focused on aggression and violence towards the beginning. Turns out this person is just an angry masturbator. My only qualm is that it sounds like he finished. So he shouldn't be so upset about the call ending. Sounds like it should be celebratory. My favorite bar was definitely the "sweaty hand" line. Um... I dont really know what else to say man. Pretty straight forward. Very literal interpretation of the topic. The twist was cool. Shit, I usually love humorous verses, there was just something about this one that felt a little dry to me. And the worst part is that I can't place why. Maybe it's because I'm coming off of reading NYC's verse. Damnit, man, I don't think we could have paired up two more different verses. This shit is doper than I am currently giving it credit for, and I know this. The set up lines were good enough to keep you guessing, but on a second read through it can all be applied to better develop the ending.

I have to go with Jilti. This is a tough one though. I wouldn't be mad at either one of you moving on. But I have to go with Jilti.