[kannon]

Inno... Correct me if I'm ignorant of STRUNK AND WHITE, but "with which whom" doesn't sound like that's how English is supposed to work. Um, I mean, I think I get it. We're all kind of "lost in the world" cause we all kinda follow shit blindly, and people tend to think for themselves less in favor of following the flock. I think some of the lines just took on a weird wording. "A man made pride massages our godlike egos" I mean, I feel like pride and ego are incredibly similar. Which makes me almost read the line like "our ego is stroking our ego." I do like the closer a lot. I just dont know that I really got anywhere in this piece. That's, I think, going to be one of the biggest challenges about writing short form, is really conveying a variety of emotion in 10 bars. Overall, this was okay. I'm not 100% sold that macabre is a word that can be used to describe our "stride." I dont know man. It felt forced in places, with a nice bow wrapped around it at the end.

Pancake... Really stretching out to that 15 word/line max, I see. This made for some dope schemes, but it lacked a flow to me. But I do understand that this is text, where "flow" has a looser definition, so I give you the benefit of the doubt. Um, first read through, definitely some dope lines. "the ease of getting lost when youre free...march of your beat" stuck out to me in particular. I felt this piece a little more focused than Inno's. And as a guy who's little brother spent a majority of his time in college trying to get "youtube famous," this kinda strikes a chord with me haha. Fuckin kids. I digress, Overall, this was a dope little piece. I know I'm fairly new to this board's writing team, and you're probably quite established here, but I look forward to reading more from you.

This was an easy win to Pancake