[Adonis]

I apologize for leaving one in depth vote for the trash can, and apologize more so for leaving the shortened version.

Split - The one thing I remember from previous vote was how I didn't like the route you took with the topic. It felt like the first thing that popped into my head when reading the topic, literally, a dream in a dream...But I guess it's for the best I lost that vote. I now see the dream is still a dream, but John is either reminiscing or dreaming while a vegetable, most likely the first. Not sure about the "Finalized/motivated" bar, could of made an attempt to have it rhyme I guess. But it was there for character build up which I appreciate so... All in all, a decent verse that I wish would have had more of...

"Developed an out- a vein-pinch penchant for narcotics in vials.
Drunk at the office. Painless. Wouldn't have caught us,
if it wasn't for those fucking middling authorities.
His wife cheated as they grew into their forties.
Divorce was court-ordered, the fall only accelerates,
Possibility of escape, condensed to a notion to swim through.
But freedom held such a different taste through the eye of a needle."

You started getting steam then just stopped...and went into the ending fazes of the verse. Also..."Open up, afraid of blood", Not sure if there is a adjective that fits and trumps ill, but insert.

Bent - "A burdensome charge whose yoke is broken soon… Choke the room with screams beneath a hopeless moon.." Very vivid here, I can see this is shaping up to be a gruesome story which I rather enjoy...I should say I enjoy imagery, and feel gore is the BEST way to drive that force. You did not go that route, but did use imagery to drive your verse. One thing I truly didn't like, the change in character. Not the "father" and mother, but how you started off as either narrative or the child being an infant, then progressed and in the end you were the mom. Not big on so many changes as you were also the voice of the father, too confusing and vague. This verse was a tale of a dead beat father molesting a beautiful seed who then murders the child, and ends with the mothers guilt washing down pills to hide the visions of the child. A decent verse, heavy with rhyme which can hinder the meanings sometimes..."Emotions roller coaster as she rolls her stroller closer..Each pace a frozen boulder, her face’s pose a folded poster" Flows well, but so many words can take place of the flow for meanings sake. Don't get me wrong, I love rhymes more then the next guy, but cohesive is the key. All in all, I rather enjoyed the verse for what it was, never received an underlying meaning, which cheapens it for me, but it was actually a good verse. I might seem critical, but its the good kind, nice read none the less....LOL I can't make shortened votes unless I see the writer not caring with either his votes or verses, dope battle.


vote -bent. Honestly, it was a good battle but not overly close to ME. Bent just over powered with a meaty verse, every line held significance in the grand scheme of things. Where Split had a good verse, but a few mistakes as Bent did as well, but it was short and seemed to muster a full head of steam slowly, and when it finally did build that steam in went to cool down mode if that makes sense. Good showing both, Bent just came with a bit more IMO