Netcees - View Single Post - Round 1: 8. YDK vs. 9. Mike Wrecka \\ Mike Wrecka wins 5-0

Split · 08-29-2014, 09:31 AM

YDK. Better writing than usual, especially the wording. I think that the wording in this verse is actually more powerful than the content. You poetically phrased a lot of truisms. Your verse felt ironically redundant, you just need to step out of your comfort zone, take an unpopular view and prove it right, or say something no one's thought of.

"it's hard not to cry when you're bothered"
....lol?

"love is a beauty that few can perceive"
seems overly dramatic

"A simple phrase muttered to everyone in abundance,
Losing the value in "I love you" till the feelings redundant."
a social meme-dia sentiment.

"A bar set too high, standards are never achieved"
lol yeah

Not to mention that, literally, your whole buildup in the verse contradicts the very topic itself via your (sorry) lame conclusion. Like, "my emotions are scattered like the stars in the sky" and "people toss around 'I love you' without justification" and "when you're sad you get sad" suddenly randomly becomes "I love you more than anything"

like your verse accidentally became a parody of itself.

Mike. I read your verse. It won.

Had Mike Wrecka winning, YDK's verse was comically bad. I dont think YDK is a bad writer in general and hes a nice guy, his writing tends towards simplicity. But without the cushion of 45 lines of plot development YDK takes simplicity down to a 4th grade reading level. I don't have enough bad things to say about this verse

half expected a youtube video of him at the end, running out in a groucho marx mask and slipping on a banana peel but the banana peel doesnt slip because its shot in his home office and the berber is basically glorified velcro and he ends up just lying down gently on an old banana and then he stands up and rips off the mask and says "baby i love you so much this was for you all of it" and then we get the 30 second iTunes sample of that Sarah McLaughlin song from the sad whipped dog commercial with the 2008 vintage blue screen with white curly text and it scrolls across and reads "I love you babe Ill be you'res for always"

V/ Mike Wrecka.

08-29-2014, 09:31 AM	#4
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899398	YDK. Better writing than usual, especially the wording. I think that the wording in this verse is actually more powerful than the content. You poetically phrased a lot of truisms. Your verse felt ironically redundant, you just need to step out of your comfort zone, take an unpopular view and prove it right, or say something no one's thought of. "it's hard not to cry when you're bothered" ....lol? "love is a beauty that few can perceive" seems overly dramatic "A simple phrase muttered to everyone in abundance, Losing the value in "I love you" till the feelings redundant." a social meme-dia sentiment. "A bar set too high, standards are never achieved" lol yeah Not to mention that, literally, your whole buildup in the verse contradicts the very topic itself via your (sorry) lame conclusion. Like, "my emotions are scattered like the stars in the sky" and "people toss around 'I love you' without justification" and "when you're sad you get sad" suddenly randomly becomes "I love you more than anything" like your verse accidentally became a parody of itself. Mike. I read your verse. It won. Had Mike Wrecka winning, YDK's verse was comically bad. I dont think YDK is a bad writer in general and hes a nice guy, his writing tends towards simplicity. But without the cushion of 45 lines of plot development YDK takes simplicity down to a 4th grade reading level. I don't have enough bad things to say about this verse half expected a youtube video of him at the end, running out in a groucho marx mask and slipping on a banana peel but the banana peel doesnt slip because its shot in his home office and the berber is basically glorified velcro and he ends up just lying down gently on an old banana and then he stands up and rips off the mask and says "baby i love you so much this was for you all of it" and then we get the 30 second iTunes sample of that Sarah McLaughlin song from the sad whipped dog commercial with the 2008 vintage blue screen with white curly text and it scrolls across and reads "I love you babe Ill be you'res for always" V/ Mike Wrecka. __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com Last edited by Split; 08-29-2014 at 09:51 AM.