[IamBenT]

So tough...

CK - Great verse. Metaphors are tight, vocab is incredible, and the images are vivid. However, its very dense, perhaps denser than usual which was a bit of a problem for me as it muddied the message. I don't mind a re-read every now and then, but parts of the end I wasnt feeling as much. The rhyme scheme is very nice throughout, and the intro of the charged dialogue was masterful, albeit confusing on the initial read. Interesting peek into the insanity of characters we don't typically encounter, which i love. Also, in one part the comparison is to a surgeon, that line didn't work for me, but the rest of this is pretty awesome.

Quotes:

To nourish this land past its natal demand for more torture
And revive a supper of grandeur, to blanch every morsel [b] just wow writing here

A marshal in a stance of a westerner's dance n their culture
A lone star arming projectiles with the direction of a pulsar great extended here

Mannequins, with an average IQ of a Mongol cabbage dish made me LOL
Damaging, like gossip in a gospel of foreign languages
Savages in line for the violence of blackmagic-management

Keith - Wow, what a great story. Packed with suspense, using great imagery and flow, you have this knack for natural, no frills storytelling that I really admired and enjoyed. The end was a bit confusing for me, I felt like you had this tight narrative until the end where it trailed off into a mysterious place. But boy i loved this verse alot, very epic

quotes:
detective, detective; did you not listen nor take heed to my message before?
you're in my world now. the real question now is, where is yours? very creepy

sleep is the cousin of death. a dream is the furious sister. stroke of genius comparison here
you can't pay the reality check without cashing in when you kiss her.

Damn tough battle but

Vote - CK, for a dense verse that hit the topic well. Damn! BOTW so far.