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Zen · 08-27-2014, 11:24 AM

@DexLabb you freepost in one more thread I will delete everything you've ever written here, and every new thread you try to make. Don't test me bish.

I rep the lesser flaunt as I toast fresh croissants in restaurants for a suckers pay wage. They spread the sauce and get to chomp- the best to rock your buttered pancakes. Why expect me not to arrest the cops while eatin flesh and blood off another mans face?
^^I liked these first few lines, especially the last one there.

The beginning started off great, but towards the middle of it I just felt like it slowed down a bit. The rhymes weren't as smooth and the flow was bit choppy to me as the reader. This was cool though. Buttered pancakes reminded me of Bronson lol. Keep dropping.

08-27-2014, 11:24 AM	#6
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	@DexLabb you freepost in one more thread I will delete everything you've ever written here, and every new thread you try to make. Don't test me bish. I rep the lesser flaunt as I toast fresh croissants in restaurants for a suckers pay wage. They spread the sauce and get to chomp- the best to rock your buttered pancakes. Why expect me not to arrest the cops while eatin flesh and blood off another mans face? ^^I liked these first few lines, especially the last one there. The beginning started off great, but towards the middle of it I just felt like it slowed down a bit. The rhymes weren't as smooth and the flow was bit choppy to me as the reader. This was cool though. Buttered pancakes reminded me of Bronson lol. Keep dropping.