[oats]

Puke: This was a good verse. The storytelling, the angle, all of it was good. I tend to lend myself towards stronger rhyming, but that's usually not a deal breaker for me. It's hard to critique this tbh, but something was missing for me. There was a zing that was noticeably absent, the part that makes me remember the verse after I read it. I've read through it several times now, and nothing is bad at all, even mediocre, but nothing stands out to wow me either. Does that make sense? Idk, I'm having a hard time pinpointing it, it just felt a little bland as far as stories go. It was technically great, but there was a soul missing that makes a verse truly memorable. Two things come to mind. First, if it was told in a more immediate sense of action instead of the birds eye of it all, it would have made it more personal and have greater impact/appeal to my emotions. Second, there was a reference to the fire turning people into madmen with torn clothes - I pictured Toby looking similar. I think this could have had a strong statement about humanity and how these types of disasters equalize things, if only momentarily. I think that's what you tried for with the ending, but it didn't quite connect with me. Overall, this was a dope verse for many reasons, but it could have been more imo.

Schwartz: this was dope storytelling. the atmosphere of the victorian age was alive and well, from people's names to the verbiage used. I especially loved how the fire was peripheral to the story here, the end product of the characters' actions instead of a central character itself. no qualms, this was an excellent display of creative, effective storytelling.


Vote: Schwartz.