I must say this came to an opinion of Quality over Quantity.
CDM - You had an interesting twist on the topic but drifted from the original intent by getting into political inflictions.
These things have not to do with the hand of fate but greed.
You have very strong bits through-out but nothing that overly popped my attention. The subject matter is something I know much about and have gone into deeply in my personal time studying things, but it wasn't presented cleanly, and in terms of execution lyrically, you were often far separated on syllable counts and schemes between bars, which broke up the flow of the writing, and gave it a choppy feeling that seemed unpolished.
Ink - You maintained flow fairly well though did lose it on a few lines.
"A dove's outside the cage she lived, she'll never have to sing again
And in her place, it must be him, that wears the collar and the chain
I see her flitter back and forth, the pitter patter of heels worn"
Being a key example, you drop the scheme between the bottom two lines and shift without a good lead off into a new scheme. This is greatly interrupts the overall carry through flowing of the next part of writing.
Over-All you had a far more technically well structured verse then your opponent, but you both have weak spots.
I like your take on the topic, an how you breath a bit of life to the lifeless idea of Fate.
V/ Ink
I feel as though CDM could have had far better structuring and a more dominant flow through out his writing. Overall it felt rushed as the bars tended to break apart upon each other. That in itself can kill the feeling of the content within it, as it did for me.
-X
|