advance apology for my lazy style of feedback
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eŋg
Bereft, better days where I mention escape,
Intention is great:
Fail to follow through and momentum's erased.
Kinetic, contained - my method is flames
Kinetic/momentum/ fail to follow through/ escape was awesome imo.
burning protests, white picketing fences again.
Ain't no revolution if the system you rend
draws a line to tell you where it's meant to begin,
I left you a pin, the grenade's in our locket, if
I'm late for dinner we can feign it's apocalypse.
Really cool rhyme scheme right here.
Say little to lovers unless straight upon their lips,
Stoic, a poet, but know the nature of my problem is
rooted in time I was: impatient, but positive;
A latent and harmless kid. Before ancient armour slid
across the limbs to betray prerogative,
Blind to what the face of my father hid,
nice. Ancient armor was cool imagery. is that fiction writing?
A mage with his parlour tricks made me apologist.
lost me on this line. Cant think right now, I'm too stupid.
I may be a part of it if I stayed in the darker pits
of my mind. But strain through the loss and give
enjoyed how you bleed this scheme
the remains of our carcasses to any who'd love you
till scent of your buds grew.
Pennies that punch through
the membrane's touch prove the pen isn't untrue.
Untrue?
Truth is honestly a cute anomaly used so sparingly,
Youth has bothered me, since it left these bones,
Cold speaks to leave its simple presence known
as my prints impress the snow. Hair is thinner,
Good thing I'm fond of the air in winter.
Bodybag LOTB ending
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Not being sarcastic at the end, btw. really liked how you concluded.
Great wording and flow and all that. (I'll come back to this)
I still owe you a full, proper breakdown. I kinda owe like three or four people proper breakdowns, still.