Seymour, you took the straightforward approach to the 'on-the-ground' perspective of the disaster. I thought it may turn out a little stale, but you colored it in nicely. A backstory that makes you feel for the characters but doesn't draw you too far from the storyline. Breakneck pacing, which really matched the action. I thought it was really cool. My one qualm was there were a few errors in here - 'mindrate' isn't one word, you misspelled 'knees' and you bungled the pronunciated of 'detritus'... (its duh-TRY-tus). Those bugged me in what was otherwise a very engaging and entertaining read.
SlutMachine - the highlight of your verse was the flow and rhyming mechanics - it had a steady pace and was easy and fun to read. The drawback for me was that it seemed unfocused and went a little too far into the realm of stream of consciousness. I couldn't really follow a conherent storyline and that was disappointing, especially after Butts had such an engaging story. There were also a few spelling errors that also drove me crazy - "viscious" "devine". Overall, I liked the ride that your verse gave me, I just wasn't too pleased with where it actually led me.
Vote -- Seymour Butts
|