The last line of the piece is brilliant. Otherwise, you're the possessor of an awkwardly elegant style that I think is hard to place on a grading scale. When I read your work, I know that you concentrated heavily on piecing together a relevant, extensively formulated bit of Adonis folklore. It's rarely perfect, but that's just my opinion as it might not be my style sometimes. Simplicity is your go to device for rhyme writing, without question. I feel like you shorthand yourself by not creating a little extravagance through wording, choosing to speak in an everyman fashion because that's your chosen method of concept-forgery. (Not forgery like stealing, forgery like blacksmithing). It's less "body" and more "fragmental" with instances of muscular output. Flexibility seems to be your forte.
The faces of kids, peacefully, swimming about.
^I always found these kinds of lines a little sad, melancholic. I like kids so that might be why. No, PedoBear.
Overall, yeah. Decent write.
Keep doin'
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