Thread: meh... practice
View Single Post
Old 08-22-2014, 09:24 AM   #17
oats
Steel Cut
 
oats's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 5,084
Battle Record: 19-10

Accomplishments
- OM HOF (2x)

Champed
- Fight Night LXXXIV
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 79005428
oats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant future
Default

lol@Bey's response, never seen feed incorporate so much slobber. here is why your line was awful @Paradigm @Beyond. Keep in mind, I've given you props when you have dope lines (coat tails in here, so ur wild oats in our battle, etc). This is a learning opportunity for you.

We about that life while y'all just skittishly thugging.
We'll leave u so red, Coats they'll think the British are coming.

the comma and the word "they'll" completely fuck this line up. had anyone other than Bey dropped it, people would have said it was wack. typical battler dickriding tbh. here's why. best wordplay works both ways. good wordplay can still work one way. this works zero ways.

we'll leave you so redcoats they'll think the british is coming=doesn't make sense
we'll leave you so red, Coats they'll think the british is coming=doesn't make sense

I get it, redcoats=British and leaving us red means you hit us. cool. but the way it's worded is clunky as fuck.

btw the fact that beyond gave you props on that equally horrendous opener in this verse is not something to be proud of. I expected better from the both of you. oh and my diss that I wrote on the subway home still shits on this :)
__________________
You should be water
oats is offline   Reply With Quote