No Show Shine by Adonis
Quote:
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Originally Posted by SlutMachine
''I've traveled the depths of evil, shattered what's left of people,
the madness crept up as marriage that's kept for needles.
I've slept with beetles, bugs and similar filthy creatures,
fought beasts that had at least a hundred violent features.
I'm the Tobias Beecher of Hell, the narcotics teacher that sell,
so tell me preacher, aint it sweeter if I met the Reaper as well?''
Outside the church is vomit and a horrible smell, the priest aint answering,
the fucker reminds me 'bout my deadbeat therapist that kept cancelling.
''Listen up, I'm not rambling! My soul's done travelling, shit, I even quit gambling!
My daughters spite for me is no longer maddening, all I need is managing
staying out of jail without an ounce of fail and handling a better life.
Not the one that looked for fights and held a knife to a cheating wife
just because I didn't treat her right, simply leaving scared her white.
It's deceiving when you see it in a different light, I didn't believe it
until she conceded and left for the womens shelter at night.
I didn't feel like it was needed, like damn, she exceeded
the expectations I had of her leaving although I know the tension was heated.
I depleted to a source of destruction, relived my past with abduction,
the evolution of sex by force had reached its final construction.
I've seen the full circle and I beg for your blessing to the shit I'm confessing,
I see the faults in my actions and I got sins that needs some adressing!''
The door opens up, maybe I caught some luck and reached the man in heaven,
I get on my feet, someone looks at me like I'm stupid as fuck, I think she's seven.
The child talks in a muted voice; ''dude, it's close to eleven...'', there's no denying.
This kid tells me I'm rather soft for being grown up and crying.
(Well, fuck me for trying...)
I ask about the church and she explain the remains is just for show,
they bought the ground, construed around it to keep the costs down low.
And like a profound being she whispered;
''for people like us, religion died a long time ago.''
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Plenty of rhymes which is always good, but you still went the more simple route. I don't mean that negative, but a few multies would have done this verse very well. I wish you went full on sadistic as you had that opening to do so. But instead you used a solid concept to explain that same old story we've all written and heard, “I beat my wife and my daughter hates me” Garth Brooks type shit. SM wrote a verse about a man finally breaking down after his wife left this abusive soul. He wound up at a church that was no longer a church, but instead a home of some sorts. The ending was rather dope though, I mean to have a little girl not only call the character a bitch but also say, “really guy? Asking for forgiveness? God don't listen to people like us”. Paraphrased because your wording was vastly superior and impactful and made me think of some poltergeist shit. I enjoyed the read in the sense that it wasn't awful. But if I can be honest, this type of writing will not win you the title. I feel like you need to step out of your element and reach for a topic or go ballsy with that word play or rhyme scheme. That's my Nickel minus three. SOLID C
Interview with Template.... by Adonis
(Adonis in
bold, Template in
italics)
What's up brother? How's it swangin?
Swangerang, Rufio.
I actually gave you some respect for a decent Alias name in the opening mag. I thought it to be actually witty and telling. Explain why you went with it?
Certain made me do it. It was either this or Lamar Odom's Scrotum, and Certain is a big fan of Keeping Up with the Kardashians so he wouldn't allow it.
Controversial topics this past week. I would have zero problem slaying any of those topics, but that's just cause my game is well rounded. Anyways, how did you feel about them honestly?
OMG ADONIS YOU SO GOOD I THINK YOU ARE FAVORITE TO WIN TOURNEY!!! Nvm you lose already.
Jkjk the topics were just bland tbh. Religious themed topics are played out, nobody has anything new or fresh to present which makes them lame. I had good angle about earning red wings but, you know.
What is your favorite TYPE of topic I.e picture, quote, story lead classic phrase etc? And why?
I think I like quotes/phrases and pictures. Quotes/phrases are open to interpretation so they're more fun, and usually I win those cuz I'm smarterer at thinking of cool things. Pictures are cool cuz you can focus on something small in the picture and BLOW MINDS. But quotes and phrases are my favorite.
So with out giving us your identity, tell me around when you wrote your first topical?
The first time I wrote a verse that I referred to as a topical was 2010. I wrote verses that would now be called topicals if I posted them on NC, but I just called them poems or verses.
How many leagues and tournaments have you participated in?
Less than people would think and more than people know.
Give me a name or three, active or none, who you would place in that all-time elite, hall of fame type of tropical lore.
Lars is obv cuz he's been good for so long, very few can boast that kind of consistency and longevity. Dead Man because he's better at writing than almost everyone else. And Sacrifice because he packs more information and meaning per line than anyone I've seen - he just knows what it takes to make a great verse and has the ability to execute it.
I felt like you had a decent shot at winning this tourney. It was sad to see you go, but go you did. People seem to be in love with your style considering all the love in votes. Any regrets?
I would've won EASY (@seymour butts) tbh but I made the mistake of going to Costco on a Saturday and it ended up taking like 6 hours round trip, so I had to write my verse in the appliance aisle and wasn't finished. So it goes, everyone has caught Ls that way one time or another. Only regret was going to costco, 6 hours for fucking tortillas and a swiffer and a headache.
Who do see winning this thing?
Seymour is the favorite IMO. He's been the best writer overall so far, none of his matches have been remotely close. Schwartz is a legit threat though, if he has more time than he had against me he can be really tough to beat. I give Butts a slight edge, but I'd be surprised if neither of them win.
Do you feel like you have a strong sense of who the remaining competitors are?
I know two for sure. I know Puke had his alias revealed earlier but I honestly don't know who he is anyway so it's basically an alias to me. Slutmachine has been elusive so far though.
You were gracious enough to allow me a special feature match up this week. Considering your style I plan on going with a decent flow, but heavy concept and hope to beat you based off that alone as I see that as being my only shot. Your game plan?
All I gotta do is show up. GAWD MC.
Netcees is considering multiple types of hall of fame. Not sure if this includes verses or entire careers. But give me a verse or two to research that you would consider a heavy favorite or shoe in?
Isn’t the OM HOF for this? I guess any verse in there would be a good place to start.
Alright brother man. Good luck this week and most of all, thank you for being a very great contribution to this league via showing and voting. Anything to add in closing?
ALIAS TOURNEY? MORE LIKE A LIES TOURNEY SINCE ANY WINNER ASIDE FROM ME IS A LIE AND I DON’T CARE IF THATS NOT GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT GASEOUS SNAKE. And thanks for the interview and doing of modding :)
OPEN MIC FEATURE #2
"Bitches Gonna Love This Verse"
written by Soulstice
In that instant..
I'm a story stained in whiskey
Consistently visceral
In between whispers, she can feel it in her ribs that she misses me
The shimmering absinthe is missing - from her derelict decanter
She's a modern metaphysical romantic - with terroristic candor
& she's terrible with answers she found nestled in some stanzas
In some dirty book on a rainy day in Brooklyn, Maine
or Long Island, New York - it's all the same
Any place; my face is still lingering behind her
The fire's fizzling inside her. Infinity's expired
I'm a long-forgotten string of words -
Original, syntactic
She said she'd bring them to the casket
Imagine her if she had heard that misery begat them
I'm a list that's shrinking fast or I'm
A ship in a bottle of gin
She's haunted within by something she forgot to forgive
But constantly caught up with his dossier of hymns
She's growing catatonic - I'm a story racing to a close
I'm the fairly murky reason that she's taking off her clothes
And it isn't taking place alone - I'm last call at half past
I'm one for the road - Two for "God Damn, that fat ass.."
She cuddles alone - in the morning, she's a bluebird
Singing freely - and she doesn't truly thinks she needs me
She's beautiful and seemly - her mind faces no intruders
Till the evening
When she starts shooting Jimmy quickly
and
I'm a story stained in whiskey
Topical News
Certain has started a sign up for a 10 line topical tourney which should be starting around Friday or Saturday. It should be a very good tournament which we could see some great pieces. At the near conclusion of the tournament, the fourth season of the AOWL will be near full go. Sign ups begin sometime in September, with the start possibly near the end of that month or October. Full details will be given in the championship edition of this tournament or in the AOWL offseason forum, the latter being more than likely. Be on the lookout.
Open Mic Feature #3
"Model Citizen"
written by Mr. J
Allow me to adjust my antenna it's been awhile eh rapper?
Eh actors, a rapture the multitude of Coney Island
A couple factors are below me lyin' can someone show me crisis?
the eye of Isis, the fates, the oracle, this is Agent Smith
take it in, I uphold the balance in the Matrix, say what again?
I'll put a bullet in that pulp's fiction, who are you major with?
whom is your tailor, Bitch! don't you know I'm the greatest since...
Ali made rounds 'round the world, death to ya and make it swift
make it fast and put your thoughts at ease, you can't stop the beast
silver bullet in my hand ready to open the gate and wash the meek
push me off the beach and watch me greet the strength of Poseidon
my illiterate rising to immortality in the shells I'm hiding
make an ill remark twice, find your head in a vice a la Joe Pesci
heavy is the heart that holds that fault the crown is so heavy