[Richard Schwartz]

Siu Mi, your verse had some good schemes and intricate rhyming. I would've liked a picture of what you were talking about much earlier, as opposed to your subject matter unfolding throughout the verse. It's like I'm partnered with a tour guide that doesn't know where he's going. Everything except for that "blap-blap-blap" scheme was pretty tight, though.. that one section wasn't doing it for me. I felt your verse was a fun enough ride but the overall picture was blurry and I didn't get a full feel for what you were trying to convey.

Seymour Butts - I think in that opening stanza, your wordage was obviously bent to fit your scheme - a few words didn't quite fit the way they should - but the scheme itself was tight, so it's somewhat forgiven. Throughout the verse, actually, you had a pretty accessible rhyme scheme - very readable. The story itself was fun to follow as well - you picked a great character to expose. Although I think the pathology behind Tiffany was a bit rudimentary, it wasn't a very serious piece so I can't hold that against you. Overall, super fun read - would read again.

My vote will be for Seymour Butts for a more reader-friendly offering.