[Certain]

Siu Mi: This verse might come across as a hell of a lot fresher had gaseous snake not written such a similar one last round, in terms of content. Yes, there are differences in the tint of the focus, but the content was pretty similar. What stands out here is the rhymes, often not for the right reasons. You forced a lot of rhymes, making up phrases just to get them to rhyme. You did so without ever losing me on what you meant, so there's something to be said for that. But I think some of your best sections were hurt by one or two forces. I really liked the part that started "They'll never catch it," but "mashbag of glad bag asses" was really bad. Cut a rhyme or 10 out of this verse in favor of more natural word choice, and you've presented yourself in a much stronger form. As far as the approach to the topic, really this was rather generic and straight-forward.

Seymour BUTTS: The further I dug into this, the more into it I got. Carrying rhymes like that meant you did force a few, though the only particularly bad ones came in your second of two quotes, which sounded nothing like anything anyone would say. There were some other spots where I wished you had switched to rhymes that would have freed up more clarity, particularly on the father-daughter relationship. The emotion was a bit hollow there, but I suppose that fits right in with everything you were going for. She's detatched and desensitized. That really worked in favor of the ending, where instead of condemning you actually point out the underbelly's logic. This was another very solid example of storytelling, albeit more traditional than your last. It also was a fantastic take on the topic, not being quite as direct but also fully encapsulating it.

Vote: Seymour BUTTS