[UnbornBuddha]

This was quite humorous. My brother I am deeply fond of the way you word things. I admire your usage of olden locution. In other words, no pun intended, phraseology.
I do admit though you do go in a sort of tangents. It would be nice if you focused your lens, so to speak, on a more coherent theme as a whole. Not to say I do not appreciate this style. But it does jump a lot between a surfeit of topics abruptly. As if your in a haste to complete the rendition.
I am probably wrong, and my vision may be clouded. But I do see the value of the intertwining of the collective. This way there is no distinction between the forest and the tree. Although one will be able to see both with crystal clear clarity.
I am not disparaging and bashing the worth of what you have written. I am merely given a commentary that might not prove helpful.
But if it somehow does penetrate the veils of the will, set in its ways, I heed you to keep performing, but when you add the ingredients make sure they all harmonize within the decoction.
Your melodic poetry is at the stage of refinement, let it meld all together by ensuring concatenation as a whole. The proper firing time denotes an intention of knowing when to jest and not, when to go off track and not.
Your imagination is vivid, and you have a good sense and command of language. But do not get lost in the language. Be the one who wields the language, do not let the schemes, the rhymes, or certain literary obstacles be the sole star of the piece.
Every step along the way, every tool, are crucial to the unfolding of inner meaning. That is what this is vacuous in, inner meaning.
Although I can tell its satirical writing, the satire itself can be used to explore a deeper significance. And once you master this, then the heavens will open up for you because not only does lightheartedness grip the attention of the reader, but it also makes them listen because you made them physiologically and psychologically feel better.
The power that writing has is immense, a fact that I'm sure your well aware of. Use its power to guide others in and out of the labyrinth, not just into.
If I can give a comparison of satire with a purpose that is not just led by making others laugh. Then I will be hard pressed not to mention the stand up of the departed George Carlin, rest in peace, who gave his ideas on the structure of many things, mainly the wackiness of humanity. Although, I will with bias state that I think you can explore much more keenly what ravages the psyche, a force you obviously use to write in. Writers and poets can deliver messages that utterly transform another with different vehicles.
You can use your comedic twist to ease the ills of another's psyche, or to teach a certain something that you deem fit.

Thank you.