[UnbornBuddha]

I like the structure. Many times I read pieces concerning such subject matter, and the architect lacks a direction of lyrical formulation.
It seemed you didn't tackle more than it could chew. It was a straightforward read, which is nice. However, the narrative was a tad uninspired. Wield your imagination, and go into the very depths of it, and use it to spice up this verse. It needs more of a tinge of the wow factor. Don't get me wrong, this was not bad by any means.
However, you can do much better if you think outside the box, so as to entice us. I only say this because this kind of stories have been done by many writers. Thus, the content is bland not to say it was basic.
I will say that your execution of it came off fairly well. The schemes made the piece flow well. Let the essence of penmanship be the very breath of respiration in this realm.
Thank you.