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Old 08-10-2014, 02:32 PM   #7
Richard Schwartz
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Not often both competitors drop the word 'fervent' in the same battle. Congrats on that.

Captain Butts - your verse very much had an Assassin's Creed feel. I think you could've picked a better name for your villain than 'Sonicklor' - doesn't exactly roll off the tongue and made lines with his name hard to flow. Anyways, an interesting place of imagination here. The story itself was pretty straightforward but it was dressed up nicely with your ability to capture tone and atmosphere.

Puff Daddy - I thought the wording was off a bit and detracted from the storyline... sometimes your lines had meaning that was hard to discern and then pulled me away from the story

Quote:
He's cautiously learned as teaching a genius discerns.
Like, I still don't know what this line means "He is cautiously learn-ed" or "He has cautiously learned" (past-tense) ... I don't know, the whole sentence construction throws me off and there were a few instances of that... I guess the wording just seemed imprecise. That was my lasting impression from this verse.

Vote - Admiral Buttholes
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