OPEN MIC FEATURE #3
"A Portrait of Dr. Cenotaph"
written by Vulgar
The soul's departure from the body is prearranged; a token of gratitude
for hosting the rabble, ruse and giving toasts to the crass, amused
The rotary bladder screws were supposed to be fastened, tuned
to an engine-metal cast in a steel cased projection
Bless these rental caps from the free-baser dentist
Meet the portrait of Dr. Cenotaph, and his real grave expression
Heel raising tension - if you feel shaken, lessen
the locomotion of death: each wheel makes the flesh grim
An evening with Voltaire, the more absinthe, the easier I fared
during a 'stand up for yourself!' concerto, my tailbone beat me to the stairs
and shuffled all the way to a mausoleum in need of serious repairs
Don't be needlessly embarrassed, since an outstretched psalm
can go out on a grotesque limb & reach toward the cloud drenched fog
Ceramic occultist masks contrast with the greenest meadows
mending the heartstrings of Dali clocks and bleeding cellos
The physical's an instrument - the stimulus is the will to question
Bombastic plague lands turned to monastic playgrounds; acrylic dust bins
Adults would rather avoid the smiling cadaver while the children bump him
but actually being closer to the essence... can he feel what love is?
Villains rush in with antidotes and thrills of sustenance
A pianist's nimble fingers weren't built to hunt with
Kidney transplant costlier than the final bill for Sputnik
As a result, every astronaut's a dead man who's feeling gutless
Sketch up the Kierkegaard flight manuals - set aside deposit slips
Genocide is bottomless... exorcise what knowledge is
Chills up your proverbial spine from the Seven Tribes of Novelists
"Tuskegee airmen took a wrench to my sarcophagus
and pulled out a number of diseases that petrified biologists
I identified my targets as viceroy relics, slain and shot
Briefcase in ghastly hand, took a one way train to psychedelic Shangri La
snail-mailed Zyklons to every trite Tibetan banker bloc"'
The soul can't take leave from the body when the destination's uncertain
Life's a science project - a teenage assimilation of versions... of events
A false estimation which may differ in each country
it's no wonder the skeleton of our generation speaks bluntly
Interview with the Champ: Certain
What's good, Certain? How does it feel to be AOWL Season 3 champion?
Your petty accomplishments mean nothing to me. I validate my own existence.
Whoa, whoa, whoa there. I actually agree with you, but then again, if it means nothing then explain that champed thingy you got now under your battle record. HUH? OOOO, BUURRNNNN.
Nah, what are your thoughts on this seasons playoffs? Did you think you had a chance to win it all?
I obviously always had a chance. I was humble when I listed myself as a dark horse. My work schedule during the second half of the season was brutal, and I spent way more time on magazines than on my own writing, which is why I didn't want to be in the league as a competitor in the first place. I joined midseason because we needed more people.
When I'm at full form and actually care about winning, I'll take my chances against anyone. That's not to say I didn't push the envelope a bit in my run, more against El Pancake, oats and YDK than against you. You, well, I went straight-up on that and knew I'd win.
Ha. Ha. Bite me.
Now that the season is over & done with, what can we expect from you since you no longer will run the AOWL? What are your plans?
"Domination, baby. Fuck that." — Method Man
I'll stick around, compete and help out. I'm an administrator and will continue to have a part in this here last stab at keeping text rap alive.
Writers never die.
Are you competing in the Alias tournament?
Answering that would defeat the purpose.
I tried. ^.^
From the verses that were posted in the first round, who do you think has the potential to make it to the finals?
I didn't read any because you didn't keep voting open. Also, I know all the aliases, so I'd rather not answer that.
Andy Dalton. 115 million/6 years. Why isn't he liked by many people as a quarterback, outside of the fact he hasn't won a playoff game?
He's the epitome of average. When I read the word epitome, I automatically pronounce it like epi (as in EpiPen) tome (with the hard O and silent E, as in a lengthy passage). Andy Dalton is the long-winded diabetic of NFL quarterbacks. He's a backup who became a starter and somehow convinced someone he was a starter. He's Matt Cassel with an extra L in the playoffs. He's really not bad, though, just painfully mediocre. He's the quarterback equivalent of Ali Shaheed Muhammad, with A.J. Green as his version of Q-Tip.
Nah. Let's discuss why the Bengals will flop this year..... LMAO.
Nah. You and oats have teamed up for the upcoming BA Tag Tournament. Your team name is "Coats". What are your chances of winning it all? Have you ever done punch battles before?
Of course. Didn't everyone start with battling? I used to be pretty good. I still am. And oats won the last Fight Night and also was an established battler. We'll have the best-worded verses in this thing. The only reason we might lose is because battlers are knuckle-draggers who can't understand clever punchlines.
There are numerous topical heads actually participating in not only the tag tourney, but also the 1-2 Punch League as well. Do you think topicalist can bring a bit of flair to the battle scene?
The 1-2 Punch League is a diversion, I figure. But yes, I think writers are writers. I'd like to see more battlers give topical writing a try, but it definitely takes longer to handle the rigors of a topical writing league than a battle league. That's one reason I'd like to run a 10- or 16-line topical tournament.
Sounds like a great idea. Our time is up now. Greatly appreciate you taking the time for this interview. Any parting thoughts, words? The floor is yours.
Listen to more Tom Waits. He's Bob Dylan with interesting music.
The Outro....
Big ups to Adonis with the assist. Thanks to Certain for the interview. Next mag, we'll do better. Til then, good luck to all participants.