Quote:
Originally Posted by oats
This is one of those small steps that begins with a blastoff
It’s a BIC to a matchbox, an iron chin to a glass jaw
My microphone’s a cyclone spinning winds of my past flaws
and my pen’s the hammer that I use to chisel on crack rock
dont like the cyclone line everything else here is good especially opener
When I say that, I’m not tryna tell you that I’m dope
I mean this shit is like a drug the way I use it to cope
This is the feng shui of blunts, E and shrooms that I wrote
The shame I’m doomed to emote through a musical note
lol at feng shui this stanza is cool... getting things rolling
It’s foolishness, so I hit the pad and chisel away
Unveiling the nature of every little mistake
Every sniff that I take, or the kisses I fake
It’s all subliminal rape of my Original Slate
dope i like the chisel metaphor... hmmm im not sure what you mean by kisses i fake line can prolly do without that one
Tabula rasa: it’s more than just refreshing anew
It’s often vile. look within and your reflection’ll bruise
A caustic trial, so if you dare to step in my shoes
And walk a mile - be careful what direction you choose
kind of cliche here
If you backpedal you’ll end up in the regrets that I settled in
like when I nestled my head up to my neck in the sediment
trying to hide my mind from the inevitable elephant
that my intellectual level is nothing special or relevant
see Geppetto’s dilemma was incredibly elegant—
to build a nest in a skeleton with his breath to embellish it
nice, last two was dope can prolly write a whole topical on that
moving forward, that’s exactly what I aim to restore
a rebirth out of the weakness and the pain I adorned
the beast has awakened, feel the quake of its insatiable roar
so I’ma let it shed the skin of all the names that I’ve worn
nice here
Whether genius or idiot, a conceited degenerate
Plus the weed in his system it must’ve weakened his intellect
But to me it’s ridiculous I’m not speaking to critics
This for the folks who grow their soul and keep their egos illiterate
Yeah people get into it, there’s a sequel to finish
Act 1 has begun we just need you to listen
last two lines here were kinda lacking first three were good... i think i just wanted more from the last line
So farewell to you Mary Janes and Cocaine Lorraines
I’ll put your occupation in flames, this is propane to Keynes
Lyrically I’m a murderous Copernicus at your throat takin aim
This is a solar flare to polar bears, shit won’t stay the same
To all you naysayers prayin that I don’t break the chains
Fuck you, try to tell me that there’s no way to change
Cool, the solar flare line is dope
My slate’s clean, I make dreams happen with no compliance
and the greatest compliment paid is a vow of broken silence
dope
|
an absence of preconceived ideas or predetermined goals; a clean slate.
"the team did not have complete freedom and a tabula rasa from which to work"
the human mind, especially at birth, viewed as having no innate ideas.
i like the title i just looked it up lol
i like the overall tone of the piece... i kinda think some of the beginning of stanzas left the end of them weak cuz the format kinda restrained, maybe i was searching for you to say something profound in each of them, i dont know. Some good metaphors I particularly liked that polar bear line haha. Good writing.
RTF if you get the time -
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=87231