this was sort of nonsense. are you pulling your wordbank from memory or consulting a dictionary? i suggest that you don't. i don't know if you do. i know some people would, and think it's legit. it just disagrees with me. but yea a lot of this was shot the way you wrote it up... experiment more with how you rhyme, too. you don't need to have singular words of matching syllables and shit like that -- you can have a few monosyllables or something that has a larger count. it doesn't really matter. it's better if i rhyme ben nevis with excessive as opposed to expressive kinda thing. maybe it's not better but i think you can see what i mean? probably (not).
you're not ass. just focus more when you write.
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