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Old 08-05-2014, 03:23 PM   #8
Eŋg
rhyme capsule.
 
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was this in the order of the names in the title? i actually thought otherwise, at first, but assume it was. solid efforts all around. clean and concise wording with the last two liking to run on their lines. it read pretty inoffensively. if i picked something i disliked in each it'd be: the 'arch-es' wording, black hole line and placement of the word for furore - which is just a gay word (i'm sure i'm guilty of the same but w.e.). in the interest of balance: the first verse probably shouldn't have kept the same scheme. the language was airy but did its job in communicating mood to the reader - the odds/same even line was dope. the second verse was smooth, as fuck, bar one line i didn't like. i thought the nine months bit was excellent. the last had a didactic vibe i often attribute to the writer. if the first seemed to affect a poetic tone, the second genuinely introspective, the third feels a touch preachy. i don't mind it. as the overall moral is one that resonates - i like the last couplet particularly.

good showing, fellas.
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