Thread: The Storm
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Old 08-02-2014, 01:01 AM   #13
PancakeBrah
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I'm known for writing emotional/sappy pieces about gurlz but nothing I've ever written is as confident as this. Or good, really. You didn't feel the need to spruce this up with superfluous language or text bullshit. It was real, just happened to rhyme. The ability to pull off the 'done before' relies on meaning it, and you meant it. The 'what have you gained out of this?' line was the best, one of my favorites from the open mic in a while. It was just placed and paced perfectly, and the actual phrase itself is one that can be applied to so much of our collective ado, especially in the realm of relationships. The self-awareness and introspection didn't come off as precious here, it was honest. Even if the sentiments have been spelled out before it was earnest here which is more than most can say. I mostly remember you from AOWL S2 but you've obviously improved quite a bit from that stage of your writing if this piece is evidence. I'm a fan and connoisseur of these pieces and you did the form very well. The ending storm section was also well done; a bit of a flourish.

Thanks for the read.
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