[Immaculate]

Originally Posted by Witty

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.
Emo Philips

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil.
Emo Philips

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
Emo Philips

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
Emo Philips

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
Emo Philips

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
Emo Philips

LOL at some.