This was okay. i feel it had a horror movie suspense to it, at least the way you worded things. It has this suspense thriller way of presenting itself, that if you ever read a scary movie script it seemed to mimic it. I also sometimes felt that you just rhymed to rhyme, not choosing the word that best would highlight what you wanted to convey. I also saw some grammar mistakes, now I'm not the grammar nazi, but they were things that could of easily been rectified because it the flow a little bit rough. As for the best choice of words I mentioned, one can really use whatever word, but as long as one uses it for a purpose that deems necessary. Every word before it is just as important.
Anyways, thanks for your thoughts, keep writing the vivid way you do, but make sure your utterly inspired.
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