I really liked this. The wording of it felt smooth. I for one enjoy your diction. Although I would like to see yourself challenge yourself by having a more complex rhyme scheme, while of course not sacrificing the meaning you are trying to entail, and rightfully impart to us.
My favorite lines were also the one's Figurative highlighted.
"And ego be like: “what’ll compare to seeing your fans weep”?
This spans deep, from a slow creep, to synchromysticism and dreams,
Because we are all blind to after it, yet swear upon the purpose of its means."
My only vilifying critique will be that at the end you started getting a bit repetitive, in terms of what your message. This is not a bad thing, but it will be nice to see you branch, and explore 's death pathway. Why should death be sought out in acceptance?
In exploring this, maybe you can emphasize a mythological story like King Yama, who faces you when you die, and without judgement puts you in the realm that one has cultivated in their life. Perhaps into the gripping cold abyss of the Naraka's.
So a bit more imagery, and navigation into what your writing. This will of course, deem some form of researching, of pondering, but you already do that it seems, considering the way you've programmed your insights into poetry. But it's just a meekly suggestion of mine, I most certainly enjoyed your prose.
|