/v adonis - “Granted” - Buy a house – Back to square one,
The mortgage and fun, the college loan spent on ones.
The ones sent on stage to the girls who parade a display,
How great. You humans are gifted at making mockerys,
The climactic debauchery.... The “Oh God!”...It's me,
i like how you rhymed. i can't really word it great right now but mockery to oh god its me was dope as fuck, and parade a display.. with the "how great." statement starting off a bar offered a kind of sarcastic simplicity i admire.
shown again here, "buy a house - back to square one" that shits golden. huge statements, a w hole verses worth in a few syllables. i admire you're writing the more i read it. you're hugely intelligent.. as sh own in this last quote..
The food's so impure. The genome cure. got a kick out of that next to a mad cow reference . kudos.
vinzr- it's hard for me to say why i'm not giving you the /v so i'm putting some shit in bold here to explain.
I try to fly my thoughts across the Earth but my face falls into the dirt
I’m now sitting in the corner, clutching onto my knees as I weep
Throw my face into my torso; trying to hide away cause I’m weak
Life has turned me sideways; my eyes are now drooping downwards
My ears were now screeching louder than any other sound would
i feel like all the places i bolded could have been replaced by more descriptive imagery. in these bars in particular if eel you had an extremely strong message that wasn't delivered to your maximum potential. i suck at times dont get me wrong - that's just the best piece of advice i can give you, and i give it sincerely.
Because killing wasn’t meant for me, can’t handle the weight
me neither. if i would've stepped up in the killing fields i wouldn't be marked for death. related to this a lot.
to many me's and i's here buddy. sorry to call you out on it so much but freal that's my piece.
But now I’m at peace as I lay down beside my bedside without my life….
get outside of me's and i's more, and i think you'll go very far when you're able to describe things the way you would see a scene in a high definition movie, rather than from a first person view on an 8mm tape. no offense, real talk.
good shit from both all the way.
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