i have a book but its not open to condolences,
^^Best line from this.
Most of this it felt like you were trying to do too much. For example, "atrocious ferocious devotion". I see you like to rhyme allot, and everyone here will tell you I'm guilty of this too, but it's just TOO much, too soon and it made that line stick out in a bad way. The rest of the writing wasn't actually bad, but it wasn't particularly good either. None of these lines, except for the one I mentioned at the beginning felt like something special. That's not a negative critique (I guess technically it is) but try not to try too hard. Let the writing come naturally. What I took from this is you trying to force allot on us as the readers, and sometimes that works, but more times than not we see right through it. Still, this is just my opinion. Take it or leave it.
Btw, if you put 'tat', 'ment', or 't' in anything else, I'll never read any of your shit ever again. Peace.
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