Netcees - View Single Post - Skullkid -- Elysium

Pent uP · 07-24-2014, 10:27 PM

Kid -- Short bursts of images. A very abrupt style that is effective due to the creativity behind each phrase. The writing felt more collegiate than natural. Elysium is to heroes as utopia is to people, so I took the whole not-a-hero spiel as this was a fancy allegory for utopia. In that sense, the message fell flat for me - as utopia is an idea, a dream, a mirage within our own fantasies. The laden images here just cemented that, but acted as if they were something surprising. Strong writing, poor direction in my humble opinion.

Skull -- kind of the same critique as Kid to be honest. Some differences. You wording is much more organic and lends itself easier to relate to. You guys touched on some of the same motifs(? ideas?), in similar fashions. I dont know if that was intentional or not but it made the overall product feel a bit more stale than it should've. kinda funny I said mirage after reading kid's verse and then you ended on that note. Same as for him - I disagree with the direction you took the meaning of title/topic here (I know..interpretation blablabalbalabla). I think you both fell flat of what the potential was here, but produced nothing to scoff at.

Good shit guys, hope that didnt come off too harshly.

07-24-2014, 10:27 PM	#22
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	Kid -- Short bursts of images. A very abrupt style that is effective due to the creativity behind each phrase. The writing felt more collegiate than natural. Elysium is to heroes as utopia is to people, so I took the whole not-a-hero spiel as this was a fancy allegory for utopia. In that sense, the message fell flat for me - as utopia is an idea, a dream, a mirage within our own fantasies. The laden images here just cemented that, but acted as if they were something surprising. Strong writing, poor direction in my humble opinion. Skull -- kind of the same critique as Kid to be honest. Some differences. You wording is much more organic and lends itself easier to relate to. You guys touched on some of the same motifs(? ideas?), in similar fashions. I dont know if that was intentional or not but it made the overall product feel a bit more stale than it should've. kinda funny I said mirage after reading kid's verse and then you ended on that note. Same as for him - I disagree with the direction you took the meaning of title/topic here (I know..interpretation blablabalbalabla). I think you both fell flat of what the potential was here, but produced nothing to scoff at. Good shit guys, hope that didnt come off too harshly. Last edited by Pent uP; 07-24-2014 at 10:49 PM.