Certain, this was bordering on masterful as far as I'm concerned. Very nuanced, with slight, precise turns of phrase in lines that imbued so much depth. Extremely thought-provoking. Wording was very crisp and kept the pace moving. Very enjoyable to read.
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Saddled with debt, we've got our headphones turnt.
Beats By Dreams. The bass ensures the end won't hurt.
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But was she ever here or a lie?
You'd be surprised at what a mirror can hide.
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Those were a couple of my favourite lines.
My one criticism would be the second stanza... I found the language a bit confusing.
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The caveat crawls into a calloused coma: death by fugue.
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That line just seemed unnecessarily overwrought to me. Also, 'bereavement' and 'grieving' are for most intents and purposes the same thing, so that line didn't really follow through for me. That whole stanza was a bit of a headscratcher... but it was placed within a verse that was otherwise superbly crafted.
King Ra, I like the more casual storytelling approach here... I really liked how you addressed the audience
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I'd like to propose a toast.... for all the women who've ever broken my heart.
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Brings me right into the piece, I've gotta try something like that sometime.
You def captured the dark thought process of a drunken, heartbroken man... really delved in and owned the character.
There were a few lines awkwardly worded that stood out for me:
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It must have been my fault. I'm stupid & not definitely smart.
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Not sure if I am dead, but I know I'm not awake.
Trying to process everything in the heart of my brain.
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Those lines detracted from the overall feel of this piece for me. I think you attacked the topic with a great approach... I didn't see the reveal coming and it was good. This was a really good stand-alone verse, but a few technical errors, plus the matchup against a beast of a verse from Certain have me leaning towards his offering.
Vote --> Certain